happy birthday? or regretful birthday?

有是真的觉得自己很失败..

Last year, because of my childish, i made my birthday full of tears.. to learn from the past, i have grown up and tried not to be childish.. but at the end.. i found out that im as childish as last year.. like i have never grown up..?

All i wanted is to enjoy myself in this special day of mine.. and i really (i swear) i didnt expect for anything.. as i know he is working.. so i have decided to give myself a little treat... to go out and get myself lunch and went to buy myself cakes..and i never knew that with what i have done.. it hurts him..for not doing anything (although i knew that he wanted to) but i really never expected that.. know what? hurting him equals to hurting me..

when i bought the cake.. i had a feeling that it's going to be bad.. but in my heart, i just dont want to have another birthday without cake to cut.. i guess this is call selfish.. and in the end..伤了人。。更伤了自己。。how stupid can i be? no?

another year with tears on my birthday.. and this year.. is different.. because i felt so bad.. so much worse than sad.. but.. really.. heart broken... i knew he felt heart pain too... but to me.. hurting him.. i felt like 10000times hurting myself.. i dont know how to describe my feelings.. it's just.. so f*cked up

有时候我觉得女人真的很恐怖，她可以全心全意的爱一个人，可是也可以全心全以的伤害一个人。当爱变成恨了，可以做出些伤天害理的事情。为了报复。想尽办法的伤害他而得到快乐。难道这都不会上还她们自己吗？ 在我自己的立场，是，可能我会恨一个人。可是这就是过去，要成长，不对吗？ 拿得起就要放得下!这是一句很有道理的话。

女人的心有时真的很难明白，连我自己也不明白我自己。为什么好好的一天竟然被我自己毁了呢？ 我真的是个白痴。大白痴！有时我真的觉得自己太笨了。 他不说我真的不知道发生什么事了。可是，每一次到他对我说的时候都是太迟了的时候，那个时候，就是伤害了他的时候。为什么我可以这样的迟钝呢？为什么每一次都是我自己伤了他？我的心真的很痛很痛。我每一次都会想为什么我自己会那么笨。真的真的很笨很笨。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。